Heroin Addicts: Methadone & Heroin Facts

Question: Can a heroin addict be a good parent?

(Posted by: Iwannaknow on 2010-04-07 14:16:57)

My daughter found out 2 things about the man she was dating, that he was a heroin addict and after breaking up with him that her birth control had failed and that she was 16 months pregnant by him ( she had no symptoms and she has always had very irregular periods). Because of the advanced pregnancy and personal beliefs she has decided to keep the baby, however, she is now considering allowing this man to be involved in the baby's life... I am very concerned because I do not believe it is a good choice in an already difficult situation. He recently relapsed and began shooting again. He also abuses prescription drugs and alcohol. Ironically, his mother is a substance abuse doctor and his dad is a preacher. Both of his parents insist that their son is a "good " man, and that he should be given the opportunity to redeem himself; although according to my daughter his parents are unaware that he has relapsed... she also believes that he only relapsed "once " and that he learned from that mistake and that he is once again clean. I am not inclined to believe that a person with his character is able to change. My daughter is only 19 years old, she believes that people change, she also believes that hard drugs speak more of childhood trauma than of character, I think that unfortunately and ultimately it becomes one and the same...Would you agree that such persons that abuse hard drugs can still be a good influence in a child's life? I meant to say 16 week pregnant... not months! Sorry.

Posted by: Mitchell on 2010-04-07, 14:18:41

China called. They want their wall back. Can a heroin addict be a good parent? Only if they share.

Posted by: Blue Haired Old Lady on 2010-04-07, 14:20:07

Well - it is your daughters decision - not yours. This guy is the father - like it or not. The child isn't born yet. Perhaps he will straighten up and not relapse again. She obviously thought he was a good person with good qualities. as long as he isn't doing drugs - he will be a good father.

Posted by: Harley Drive on 2010-04-07, 14:20:36

16 months pregnant?? wow !!! you can never trust a heroin addict in any way they are only ever one shot away from a relapse

Posted by: mark on 2010-04-07, 14:20:36

Not unless he's been clean for years.

Posted by: bubbly07 on 2010-04-07, 14:21:19

I personally don't think that a heroin addict can be a good influence on a child, but ultimately, it's your daughter's decision to choose who is involved with her baby, and because of her age, she can legally do whatever she wants. About the only thing you can do is talk to her and hope she listens.

Posted by: Andrea on 2010-04-07, 14:26:36

Only if he gets clean which he may or may not do....... most do not. There is not much you can do about it though as your daughter is an adult and probably will not listen to you or anyone else..... All you can do is try to be a stabilizing influence in your grandchilds life......

Posted by: Cat on 2010-04-07, 14:27:23

The sad thing about users is their drugs COME FIRST. they will always come first untill they wise up and pull themselves together. because theyre so dependant on their addictions nothing else matters when it comes down to getting a quick fix or baby diapers... he'll pick a quick fix. heroin is super super strong and to a point if they want to quit they cant, their systems have to have it to work the right way, ive seen this first hand. a relative of mine could not stop and got horribly sick when he tried to without help. i am going to be 20 and ive seen a lot of not so good things. your daughter is in the denial i love him he can change, we can make this work state of mind.. been there done that, and my parents we right. people dont change unless they want to. He will not put the baby first, and if hes got enough bad psychological issues for all we know he could sell the child for money for more heroin. Addicts are capable of anything depending on the level of lowness theyve gone down to personally. I understand your daughters point of view, but she needs to put the babys health, well being, and safety first. Supervised visits are fine... but nothing more untill the father fixes himself. It would be a shame for an innocent being to grow up seeing him shooting up when you guys arent around or not looking. So no, addicts cannot make good parents because their addictions will always come before anything including a child, and kids shouldnt have to see that. Hope i helped you. Good luck to you and your daughter/ new baby!

Posted by: rebel monkey on 2010-04-07, 14:27:39

If your daughter thinks so, then yes. There a parents who don't do drugs but make terrible parents, it's all relative to the totality of circumstances, situations and people over time. The best thing you can do is support your daughter the best way possible - respecting her choices. Fatherhood is a big step for some men, it's not surprising he had a relapse. If you want to love your grandchild support the father through this difficult time.

Posted by: Paige on 2010-04-07, 14:27:43

It like this if anybody puts anything before their own kids then their a pretty f*** parent plain and simple. The herion jus put the iceing on the cake.You should talk to him and tell him to change his habits so he can be a father to the baby. If he doesnt listen talk to ur daughter about the discussion u and the father had and maybe he can bring him down to earth and realize who he is hurting

Posted by: D.D on 2010-04-11, 09:16:10

Your daughter is still naive.......yes, some people can change and she doesnt want to write anyone off.....but the facts are most do not change. , and certainly not with the veil of half truths and not without full disclosure and the right help. I would not allow a heroin addict near my children, period. He would have to go to rehab and have a clean bill of health for years for me to believe it at all, and all the while knowing he could relapse for any reason. That is the way the disease is. She is going to have her hands full raising his child , that is enough. Ihope she loses her naive , but hopeful views, and gets realistic to protect herself and child before she gets sucked in or dragged down with him...... The responsibility for this is on him, it isnt anyone elses fault or any other excuse or reason. I say file for parental rights, and supervised visists or none at all. she could ask someone at rehab or drphil.com also or ask them their opinion at lahacienda.com or lawlispeavey.com or amenclinics.com